This new stage of life called grad school has led to many things including earlier bedtimes. My heater just clicked on stating that it is indeed time for bed as work begins in about 9 hours. Regardless, I'm going to complete this post which I just copied from my personal blog that I don't share with anyone.
This semester and 2012 as a whole has been very stressful and unpredictable. I'm currently in the middle of two interview processes for different camp jobs this summer and just turned in an application for a third. I'm looking for full time teaching jobs while regularly substitute teaching when I'm not on campus. I work 20-43 hours a week, lately being about 37 at a combination of three different jobs doing a wide number of things. I love my jobs, love working with kids, find school annoying, and am struggling both with being the 'old' person out of my friends (added to the fact that most of my older friends are now working away from college) and with spending time with God like I should. Last weekend, I joined the local youth group on a snow camp weekend where we were challenged to remember that God likes the Champion for Him, not the show. I've got a great show going on with being on of the 'head' leaders this semester working to build up other leaders. Yet beneath that I don't spend nearly enough time with God and I'm having some problems trusting Him with my future. Currently my future is unplanned past May with options of where to work, live, and everything else very up in the air. I've found a few people that I can talk to about these things, but the combination of having to miss some of the campus bible studies and going to bed earlier/living off campus means I don't run into people as much. It's an adjustment to have to call people to hang out with no idea of their schedules. Yes we have group dinners, but I miss the days of old. Some times I just wish I could move fully into the life of a young professional while other days I try to reconnect with the undergrads. Neither works too well as I'm stuck as a working graduate student until at least May, maybe even next May (depending on when I graduate).
Now I'm watching and supporting (mostly) as things I began years ago get taken over and changed... not always in the best ways. I think I need to accept that I am at a point in time where I really need to be building up the younger leaders and not really leading anything myself. That's super hard though and I find myself being critical of others. Regardless of whether something might be the best option in a situation, I need to remember that it might just not be any of my business to control. I don't know... this weird time is annoying and I need to fix the relationships in my life and build strong ones with people who are challenging me and holding me accountable for growing spiritually with God. I also should probably stop working so much so that I can focus on my studies more and also on relationships and my role as a Christian. I really need to spend more time with God, as Kidz Klub, Large Group, one bible study, and church aren't cutting it (with some individual emailed devos every few day).
I'm challenging myself to build stronger bonds, stay on top of school work, and meet with God daily on my own and often in group settings. I also give up control of my summer job, my job(s) for next school year (Sept), my living situation, dating life, and graduation date. God can take those and mold them however He wants, placing me anywhere that is best for me. He loves me and I praise Him and Love Him too.
Kathryn
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